Jerry found Live with Regis and Kathie Lee to be a fascinating show because "They're not doing anything. You can't do less than they do and make a living. And I for one couldn't be more impressed - to do little more than dent a seat cushion on a chair and make a zillion dollars."
George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents' house. Things begin to be unlucky for Elaine after she buys a box of "Jujyfruits." Kramer appears on Regis & Kathie Lee to promote his coffee table book. Rachel wants to break up with Jerry and he readily agrees, because his luck has been "even Steven." Elaine's eating of "Jujyfruits" causes Pendant Publishing to go under, and later she realizes that she and George have traded places.
Quotes
- Jerry: Elaine, don't get too down. Everything will even out. See, I have two friends. You were up, he was down. Now he's up, you're down. You see how it all evens out for me?
- George: A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion, Elaine, Jerry. This is my religion. Jerry: So I guess your messiah would be the Anti-Christ.
- Regis Philbin: (introducing Kramer) This guy could be a little bonkos.
- Kramer: (to Jerry) You know who you are? Even Steven.
- Kramer: I'm starting the book tour! First stop - Regis and Kathie Lee! Jerry: You're going on Regis and Kathie Lee? Kramer: Oh, you better believe it. Jerry: I'll loan you my puffy shirt.
- Jerry: (to George) If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
- George: Bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women.
- George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… It's often wrong.
- Victoria: Who are you George Costanza? George: I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.
- George: I'll tell you this, something is happening in my life! I did this opposite thing last night. Up was down! Black was white! Good was… Jerry: …bad George: Day was… Elaine: …night
: Yeah! - George: ( to his parents ) I want you to know how much you mean to me. I love you both very very much. Jerry: (whispering to Kramer) Opposite....
- Jerry: You're going on Regis & Kathy Lee? I'll loan you my puffy shirt.
- Mr. Cushman: Why don't you tell me about some of your previous job experiences?George: Alrighty. My last job was in publishing. I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman. Jerry: Chicken salad's not the opposite of tuna. Salmon is the opposite of tuna, because salmon swim against the current, while the tuna swim with it.
- George: Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're trying to watch the movie! And if I have to tell you again, we're gonna take it outside and I'm gonna show you what it's like! You understand me!? Now, shut your mouths or I'll shut 'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me! Try me, because I would love it!
- Elaine: (after realizing she and George have switched fates) I'm George. I'M GEORGE!
- Yankees exec: This is Mr. Costanza. He's one of the applicants. Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you. George: Well, I wish I could say the same. But I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduce them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego! Steinbrenner: Hire this man!
- George: My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. Woman: I'm Victoria. Hi.
- Jerry: The New York Yankees? George: The New York Yankees! Jerry: Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle... Costanza?!
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