Plot
Jerry is excited to finally be dating a woman named Lois (Renee Props).
However, Jerry is stunned when he finds out that Lois works for Duncan Meyer, his old rival from high school.
Elaine's complaints about her Chinese food delivery cause her to be blacklistedfrom Hop Sing's. George notes to Elaine that Ned, her new boyfriend, has a copy of theDaily Worker, which prompts suspicion of Ned being a communist. George is intrigued by one of the personal ads, which remarks, "Appearance is not important." Jerry recounts his rivalry with Duncan: in a track race in ninth grade, Jerry had gotten an inadvertent head start and won. Though he was praised for his seemingly amazing speed, only Duncan suspected something was amiss.
Lois quizzes Jerry about cheating in the race; Jerry defends his win, and Lois believes him. Ned admits to Elaine he is a Communist. George announces he contacted a girl from The Daily Worker. Kramer gets ready for his new job as Santa Claus at Coleman's department store, with Mickey as his elf. Lois arranges lunch at Monk's with her, Jerry, and Duncan, and Jerry knows that the subject of the race will come up. George agrees to turn up at the coffee shop, pretend he has not seen Jerry since high school, and back up his winning story.
At Yankee Stadium, George receives a call from Natalie, his personal ad girl from The Daily Worker. George's secretary, Ada, overhears the conversation and suspects George of having Communist sympathies.
Kramer is taken by Ned's Communist literature, but Mickey thinks it's a bad idea. Elaine is reluctant to order dinner from Hop Sing's after her fight with the delivery man, but Ned insists, as his father spent much of his time at the restaurant after being blacklisted. At Coleman's, Kramer (as Santa) is accused by a kid of spreading Communist propaganda; Kramer and Mickey are subsequently fired.
Elaine places her Chinese food order under Ned's name, but the delivery man uncovers her ruse and blacklists Ned from the restaurant, too. Jerry refuses to participate in the race, until he learns that Duncan will fire Lois unless he agrees to run.
The rumors of George's Communist leanings land him in Steinbrenner's office, where Steinbrenner has him go to Cuba and try to recruit some of their best baseball players.
On the street, Jerry and Duncan are lined up to race again. Duncan smugly asides to Lois that if he loses, he'll give her a two-week Hawaiian vacation. As the race is about to begin, Kramer's car backfires; Jerry mistakes that for the starting pistol, giving him another head start. To the strains of the Superman theme, Jerry wins the race.
A week later, in Cuba, George meets with Fidel Castro, who lets him recruit any players he wants due to his supposed communist leanings. However, Castro (very much like Steinbrenner) begins to ramble on about trivialities and George is forced to listen to him.
Deleted scenes
The phone conversation between George and Natalie is shortened considerably compared to the final cut. In addition, there is a deleted scene which shows George explaining to Jerry about how he is being sent to Cuba; and they subsequently talk about him not having a visa. As Kramer walks back into his apartment, George asks him if he still knows people down at the Cuban Embassy. Kramer says he plays golf with them, and the pair hurry down there before it closes. However, by the time they arrive, the building is closed, but Kramer claims to know of a secret passage that was built during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Though he has not used it before, Kramer takes George there. The next scene shows Kramer crashing down the chimney to the surprise of the Cubans - as Kramer is still in his Santa Claus outfit.
Quotes
- Kramer: There are no delicatessens under communism. Mickey: Whoa! Why not?Kramer: Well, because the meats are divided into a class system. You've got pastrami and corned beef in one class and salami and bologna in another. That's not right.
- Elaine: (to her boyfriend) Fine, you want to be a communist, be a communist. Can't you at least look like a successful communist?
- Kramer: (working as a department store Santa Claus) Eight hours of jingle-belling and ho-ho-hoing. Boy, I am ho'd out.
- George: (trying to get a date with a communist) Yes, this is a business office, but I'm not a businessman per se. I'm here working for the people. I'm causing dissent, stirring the pot, getting people to question the whole rotten system.
- George: I can't believe you're really going out with a woman named Lois. Jerry: I know. Finally!
- Lew: I knew it was you! You tried to trick Hop Sing! You are on our list; Elaine Benes! And now you are on our list; Ned Isakoff. Ned: You got me blacklisted from Hop Sing's?! Lew: She named name!
- Elaine: Just because you're a Communist, does that mean you can't wear anything nice? You look like Trotsky. Ned: Good!
- George: (about personal ad) It says appearance not important! Jerry: Yours or hers?
- Jerry: I didn't hit puberty until the 9th grade…that's what gave me my speed.
- Lois: So you were the fastest kid in school? Jerry: Faster than a speeding bullet, Lois.
- George: (about communist personal ad) 'Appearance not important!' This is unbelievable. Finally, this is an ideology I can embrace!
- Jerry: Why, I'd have to be Superman to do that, Lois.
- Elaine: Ned's very well read. George: Or, maybe he's just very well...red.
- Kid: Santa's a commie! Mickey: How did a kid like you learn such a bad word like that?
- George: So what have you been doing with yourself? Jerry: I'm a comedian.George: So what do you do, a lot of that "did you ever notice," this kind of stuff?Jerry: Yeah, yeah. George: It strikes me a lot of guys are doing that kind of humor now. Jerry: Yeah, yeah. Well, you really got bald there, didn't you?
- Elaine: Well, I'm dating a communist!
- Jerry: I choose not to run!
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