Seinfeld

"The Abstinence" SEINFACT:

According to the stock footage, Jerry and George attended Edward R. Murrow Junior High School.

She made an offer, I took it.

EPISODE SUMMARY

George's girlfriend has mononucleosis and he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine's met a doctor who's almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, first he is bumped and then there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge. Jerry's agent gets him an assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper. Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine. She uses George's technique to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes an idiot. Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George uses his new found intellect to give batting advice, speaks Portuguese and prepares a presentation for Jerry's assembly. Kramer sees his lawyer about a case against the tobacco company, smoking has destroyed his looks. He gets a settlement without Jackie's input. George calculates the odds of scoring with a Portuguese waitress. Elaine's boyfriend gets his license and leaves her sexless.

The Abstinence

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"The Abstinence" is the 143rd episode of the American sitcom Seinfeld. This was the ninth episode for the eighth season. It was originally broadcast on the NBC network on November 21, 1996.

Plot

George's girlfriend has mononucleosis, so he can't have sex with her for six weeks.

Elaine has met a doctor who has almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, but he is bumped back because the children love the zoo worker, then when he is about to go on there is a fire drill. Kramerlights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave by Larry. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge.

Jerry's agent gets him a whole assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper; he finds he is learning new things quickly and is now "smart".

Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine when he is unable to help a diner customer experiencing a medical emergency. She uses George's technique of abstinence to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes stupid. Later in the episode, she begs Jerry to have sex with her again, because she wants to clear her mind. When Jerry turns her down because the situation is "too weird", she then asks him if Kramer is home.

Because Kramer has been smoking heavily, his face becomes leathery and "hideous". Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George however creates a presentation for Jerry's assembly. He uses his newfound intellect to give batting advice to New York Yankee players Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams, and to learn Portuguese. Kramer sees his lawyer Jackie Chiles about a case against the tobacco company for ruining his good looks, as his looks are his livelihood.

He gets a settlement without Jackie's input; it turns out he gets a billboard with his face on it in Times Square.

George calculates the odds of having sex with a Portuguese waitress, and concludes that statistically, he has to do it. He arrives at the school and meets Jerry, behaving stupidly. Jerry realizes that George has had sex, so he can no longer go do his presentation; Jerry goes out and is greeted by boos. Elaine's boyfriend gets his license and dumps her, leaving her sexually frustrated. Later, talk show host David Letterman informs Jerry his appearance has been canceled because he bombed at the high school assembly.

Production

This episode was filmed in front of a live audience on November 6, 1996. Wade Boggs was originally included in the script but didn't make it into the filming. David Letterman's cameo was filmed at his office at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York.

Cultural references

Jerry and George's conversation in the beginning of the episode mimics what happened during the Andes Flight Disaster. Odenkirk's line "I'm not really a doctor" was later mirrored in a Mr. Show sketch from the episode "Show Me Your Weenis!". In the sketch David Cross tells him "So you're not really a doctor!" and Odenkirk, embarrassed, replies with "I am now." with "I am now."

Notes
- This episode won the 1997 Eddie Award for Best Edited Half-Hour Series for Television.
- The working title for this episode was "The Portuguese Waitress."
- This is the second time George's personality switch leads to good things for him and bad things for Elaine, Last time was in the Season 5 finale "The Opposite".
Quotes
- Jerry: (to George) So you're enjoying the not enjoying.
- Ben: (to Elaine) I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor.
- Jerry: (at his old junior high) I'm getting bumped? You're bumping me from career day?
- George: (who will have to abstain from sex) I can do six weeks standing on my head. I'm a sexual camel.
- George: Who are you gonna eat to survive? Jerry: Kramer. George: So fast? What about me? Jerry: No. George: Kramer's so stringy. I'm plump, juicy. Jerry: Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you. George: Well, I would eat you. Jerry: That's very nice, I guess. George: I still don't see why you wouldn't eat me. I'm your best friend. Jerry: Look, if other people are having some, I'll try you.George: Thank you.
- Jerry: (to Elaine) To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid.
- George: (Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams) Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. It's not complicated.
- Elaine: What is with all these books? George: I stopped having sex.
- Kramer: My face is all craggly, it's crinkly! Jerry: It's from all that smoke. You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in seventy-two hours. What did you expect?Kramer: Emphysema, birth defects, cancer. But not this. Jerry, you know, my face is my livelihood. Everything I have I owe to this face. It's my allure, my twinkle. Jerry: And your teeth, your teeth are all brown. Kramer: Look away, I'm hideous.
- Kramer: (about the tobacco company's lawyer) We had a little pow wow. Jackie: Pow wow? Who told you to have a pow wow? Did I tell you to have a pow wow? I didn't tell you to have a pow wow!
- Jackie Chiles: This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.
- Tobacco Executive: I think Mr. Kramer projects a rugged masculinity. Jackie Chiles: Rugged? The man's a goblin. And he's only been exposed to smoke for four days; by the time this case gets to trial he'll be nothing more than a shrunken head.
- Jackie Chiles: Jackie's cashing in on your wretched disfigurement!
Allusions
- In one of this episode's subplots, Jerry makes repeated attempts to speak at his alma mater, Edward R. Murrow Junior High School. This is a fictionalized reference to the renowned Murrow High School of Brooklyn, New York...there is no such place as Murrow Junior High.
- Katie: It is already in the school paper. They canceled Rick James. Jerry: Super Freak? Rick James was an R&B musician who was popular in the 1970s and 80s. "Super Freak" is one of his most well known songs, though it was not one of James' four #1 hits during his career.
- Jackie Chiles: Oh, my vacation was restful, resplendent, magnificent. In fact, next time I'm planning on going to Corfu. Corfu is a Greek island in the Ionian Sea. The island is steeped in history and it is perennially connected to the history of Greece starting from Greek mythology.
- - George's sudden burst of intelligence is a nod to the 1996 film "Phenomenon," which had been released the summer prior to this episode.