Jerry Seinfeld believes that the laugh received after George revealed the golf ball to Kramer is the biggest spontaneous laugh given in the entire series.
"The Marine Biologist" is the seventy-eighth episode of the American sitcom Seinfeld. It is the 14th episode of the fifth season. It was originally broadcast on NBC on February 10, 1994. Jerry Seinfeld considers the episode to be one of his favorites. About thirteen minutes into the episode, when Elaine confronts Kramer about the electronic organizer, Kramer opens his door wide enough so that one can see inside his apartment, which most noticeably (in this scene) features a framed black-and-white photograph of Jerry Seinfeld on the wall, in a close-up sort of pose with his hand on forehead, looking somewhat exhausted, like most authorial back-flap photographs. It was the first episode with an alternate ending. Instead of the usual stand-up comedy, it showed some final developments of the plot.
Jerry meets an old college classmate who asked about George, whom Jerry says is now a "marine biologist." An infuriated Russian writer tosses an electronic organizer belonging to Elaine out of a limousine that hits a passerby on the head. Kramer struggles with his golf swing and sand. While walking along the beach, George is called on to use his marine biology skills to save a whale.
- Kramer: (points to his head) I've got all my appointments right up here.
- Elaine: What, are you in a bad mood? Jerry: I got my laundry back. Elaine: Golden Boy? Jerry: He didn't make it. Elaine: I'm sorry. Jerry: This is Golden Boy's son, Baby Blue.
- George: (to Jerry) Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.
- Jerry: (trying to make George look good) He's working on lowering the cholesterol level in whales. All that blubber, it's quite unhealthy. You know, it's the largest mammal on earth. But as George says, they don't have to be.
- Jerry: Your mother reads your mail? George: Yeah. Jerry: What do you mean, like postcards? George: Oh, anything. Jerry: She doesn't open. George: She'll open.Jerry: You've caught your mother opening envelopes? George: Yes. Jerry: What does she say? George: I was curious. Jerry: Isn't that against the law? George: Maybe I can get her locked up.
- Jerry: Six years I've had this t-shirt. It's my best one. I call him Golden Boy.
- Jerry: Did you know that the original title for 'War and Peace' was 'War, What Is It Good For?'
- George: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish. Jerry: Mammal. George: Whatever.Kramer: Well, what did you do next? George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction. (George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball) Kramer: What is that, a Titleist? (George nods) Kramer: Hole in one, huh?
- George: (to Jerry) It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doing; I know my alleys. You got me in the Galapagos Islands living with the turtles. I don't know where the hell I am!
- George: Then of course with evolution, the octopus lost the nostrils and took on the more familiar look that we know today.
- Kramer: Hey... Who wants to have some fun? Jerry/George: I do! Kramer: Now are you just saying you want to have fun, or do you really want to have fun? Jerry: I really want to have fun! George: I'm just saying I want to have some fun. Kramer: I've got five hundred Titleists that I got from the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rockaway, and hit 'em.... into the ocean! Picture this: we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, take out our drivers, we tee up, and poof! The ball goes sailing up into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then: uggh!
- George: As I made my way past the breakers, a sudden calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention, or the kinship of all living things. But I tell you Jerry, at that moment, I was a marine biologist.
- Diane: What's going on over here? Woman: There's a beached whale, she's dying.Man: (yelling) Is anyone here a marine biologist?
- George: It was at that moment I decided to tell her that I was not a marine biologist.Jerry: Wow! What did she say? George: She told me to go to hell and I took the bus home.
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